Lesson Learned.
According to the online dictionary, the definition of the word mistake is as stated below.
"an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge"
In my opinion, making a mistake is like committing a crime. A mistake could lead to misunderstandings and fights. Making a mistake could potentially ruin a relationship. On a more positive note, a mistake helps you identify what you have done wrong and gives you a chance to learn from it. However, how many mistakes must you make until you actually learn from it? Could it be when you lose someone dear to you because of your selfishness and obliviousness? Could it be when you start to realise what kind of green eyed monster you have become? Or could it be when everything you do keeps falling apart no matter how hard you keep trying and suddenly you realise the mistakes you have been making all this while.
It has already been more than half a year, and I can say that I have made tons of mistakes in 2016. I have also repeated the same mistakes and have never seemed to learn from them. I have disappointed those around me and mainly myself. I wanna be transparent and honest here, not to vent out my feelings but as a reminder to those who are probably going through or feeling the same way and a reminder to my future self. One of the biggest mistakes that I often make is taking things for granted. Let's be real, it is a pretty common mistake that a lot of us tend to make. I have taken my friends for granted, those who have always been there and cared for me. I have taken what I have for granted, a great family, a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear. I have taken my life for granted. The fact that I am healthy and able to live another day.
It took a bomb of the same mistakes to finally make me realise that I never truly learned from any of my previous mistakes even though I claimed that I did. It was all talk but no action. At the end of the day, it isn't about me but to those who chose to stay despite how I have treated them. My apologies were empty and did not mean anything in the long run. I disliked the person that I have become. Self-centered. I was only thinking of myself and putting myself before others. I became more and more sensitive to things that actually did not matter and grew with envy to those who seemed to have a better life and everything that I wanted. I felt that I had to constantly compete with others to keep up with them. Do I really want to be this kind of person?
It took a bomb of the same mistakes to finally make me realise that I never truly learned from any of my previous mistakes even though I claimed that I did. It was all talk but no action. At the end of the day, it isn't about me but to those who chose to stay despite how I have treated them. My apologies were empty and did not mean anything in the long run. I disliked the person that I have become. Self-centered. I was only thinking of myself and putting myself before others. I became more and more sensitive to things that actually did not matter and grew with envy to those who seemed to have a better life and everything that I wanted. I felt that I had to constantly compete with others to keep up with them. Do I really want to be this kind of person?
I constantly put pressure on myself to be a better person but ended up becoming the complete opposite. It is tiring and discouraging to know that I have failed. However, I can choose to continue sinking deeper into my emotions or choose to come out of it and do something. I am generally a positive person (the irony since I am writing this, hah). Hence, I choose to come out of it and actually do something about it. To not just talk the talk, but take action. I am not perfect and neither will I be any close to perfection in the future. But as I live each day, I want to be someone who truly learns from mistakes made and slowly become a genuine person. I am sincerely sorry to those who I have hurt and to everything that I have taken granted of, do forgive me as I learn through this process. I am only human and will continue to make mistakes but I won't allow my mistakes to define me. It will hurt sometimes but I believe that God won't give me anything that I cannot handle. The same goes to any of you feeling the same way.
♥
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